


#justnecromancerthings

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, M/M, Magic-Users, Necromancy, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 22:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4804034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Alright, how the hell was I supposed to know that the guy is somehow immune to my control and that you banned necromancy two weeks ago?'</p>
            </blockquote>





	#justnecromancerthings

The first thing that goes through Kuroo’s mind is ‘Oh, shit,’ and the second thing that goes through his mind is ‘I should probably get the fuck away from here.’

☆

It was a lovely day in Tokyo. The moon was shining, some warlocks were battling in an alleyway, and Kuroo Tetsurou thought that he had the whole wide world on his side. Earlier today, he graduated from Tokyo University with a med degree and three internship offers. Screw the haters who told him that he couldn’t do it _just_ because his family’s magical background was necromancy.

It was by chance that he walks into a graveyard that looked like some post-lapsarian version of Eden. He must’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere along the way, because this totally didn’t look like the street where his and Bokuto’s usual coffee place is. Well, fuck. He should probably turn around and figure out where he took a wrong turn––

Holy shit.

That headstone totally did not say Dick Slutt. No fucking way. Kuroo took a detour to snap a pic of the headstone. Wouldn’t really hurt anyone. Unless…

He looked around and saw that nobody was there. Good shit. He hadn’t really attempted necromancy for a while. Just cause his coven’s been lying in the down low. A little practice shouldn’t hurt. The corpse looked old as balls anyways, so it’s not like he can do any harm.

So Kuroo drew the ritualistic sigil around the grave of Dick Slutt, or at least the approximate diameter of it. Satisfied with what he did, he pricked his finger with a pocket knife and smeared his blood on the proper marking, or what he hoped was the one. He chanted until the circle started to glow and the ground started to shake. A hand ripped through the soil and Dick Slutt escaped from his underground hell in all his glory.

‘Dick Slutt!’ Kuroo exclaims. ‘I brought Dick Slutt back to life!’

Dick Slutt launched at him and the first thing that went through Kuroo’s mind is ‘Oh, shit,’ and the second thing that went through his mind is ‘I should probably get the fuck away from here.’ Which he did, right after screaming like a twelve-year-old girl. He ran out the graveyard and Dick Slutt was following him, somehow speedy for a 100-year-old meatsack.

He got out to a more crowded part of the street and yelled ‘Someone call the fucking police! This lunatic corpse is going after me!’

☆

Twenty minutes later, Dick Slutt was dead again and Kuroo was brought down to the magic detainment office.

‘So tell me again,’ the officer/detective/whoever the hell he was said. ‘Why the hell did you bring him back to life using the wrong type of sigil?’

‘Look, dude. He had a really cool name, alright. I thought I’d have tea with him and chat a little bit about how it was back in his days, you feel.’

‘I don’t even know what to tell you. I’d better just put you in detainment for two days or something.’

No way in hell! Kuroo had his stupid internship tomorrow. He slammed his hands down onto the table. 'Alright, how the hell was I supposed to know that the guy is somehow immune to my control and that you banned necromancy two weeks ago?'

The detective checked his watch. ‘I guess it was a mistake. You have anyone to pick you up?’

‘Yes.’

So Kuroo called Bokuto, because who else would he call?

‘Brokuto!’ Kuroo cried into the phone. ‘Bro!’

‘Kurbroo!’ Bokuto yelled at him. ‘Where the hell are you, bro!’

‘The magical detainment centre, bro! Please come pick me up, bro, bro. I have my internship tomorrow, man.’

‘I’ll be right there, bro, hold tight, love you man.’

‘Love you too, man, no homo!’

‘No homo!’

The detective dragged him away from the phone and into a holding cell, where he met the most beautiful boy ever.

Kuroo sat next to him. ‘Hey there, kitten.’

The boys looked up at him. ‘You’re Kuroo Tetsurou.’

Kuroo was shocked. How did he know him? Was he in his class? ‘Yes I am, but pray tell, angel, who are you?’

The boy looked away from Kuroo. ‘Kozume Kenma.’

Kenma. Kenma, Kenma, Kenma. That name is familiar. ‘Oh! You’re in the computational neuroscience program!’

Kenma nodded.

Kuroo grinned at him. ‘Fancy meeting you here, smarty farty. What did you do?’

‘Ah,’ Kenma said, looking uncomfortable. ‘I, um. Potions mishap. I mixed the elderberries and blueberries up. My friend, he um. Turned blue. They thought I was going to poison him but.’

‘But?’

‘It was an, um. A love potion.’

‘Who’s this lucky man, hm?’

Kenma bit his lip. ‘It was a tester.’

‘Oh?’

Kenma shuffled away from Kuroo. Luckily for Kenma, Bokuto arrived at the centre with a ‘Bro!’

‘Bro!’ Kuroo called out to him.

☆

On the ride back to Kuroo’s apartment, they couldn’t stop laughing about Dick Slutt and they brought back the kitten, who seemed to really have taken a liking to Kuroo.


End file.
